Mademoiselle, May 1999 Issue,
by Nancy Hawley

May 1999
 
The Gimmick: Group activities. Activity service Social Circles, based in New York City, where I live, arranges up to 40 optional outings a month for its roughly 700 25-38-year-old members; groups of about 20 meet for everything from rock climbing to museum visiting to dancing. There is no matchmaking per se; engaging in an activity you enjoy is supposed to bring like together with like - and maybe result in a connection.

Signing up: To become a member, I had to undergo a short interview, which consisted mostly of filling out a form listing my interests. The dreaded "What made you decide to try a dating service?" question never came up. However, my interviewer did ask what my plans were for the rest of the day. My pithy reply, "Uh, nothing," pointed out that I could indeed use some help in the social arena.

Board Game: My first activity was a game of Outburst at a local bar (your team gets a topic like "Commands you give your dog," then has 60 seconds to shout out examples that match the ten on the card.) Most of the men appeared to have potential, but our leader split the two teams by gender (hello?), so there wasn't much chance to interact during the game. Afterward, I chatted up a couple of guys over drinks, hoping for sparks. Instead I got pleasant, if not flirtatious, banter - the high price of real estate, the backed up toilet in the men's room. Still, I headed home with renewed hope.

Tarot Card Reading: Only six men showed - two of them recruited at the last minute. (Social Circles will recruit an under-represented gender in order to balance out every group) As one of the eight women, I felt lucky to be seated near a guy...until he began yammering away about his inability to find direction in life ("I feel stuck!"). My Tarot question: What does fate hold for my love life? The answer was a King of Cups, signifying a reliable man of business or law...or divinity. A priest? Great.

Wine Tasting: At this much more popular event, about 25 men and 25 women gathered to sip "seductive" wines. As I poured myself some Zinfandel described by the instructor as "sex in glass," a man standing next to me seized the moment: "When I drink this, its like seeing God. Are you as turned on as I am?" Um, no.

Am I still optimistic? Absolutely. The common ground ("Have you tried that balloon-sculpture class?") does give you a reason to talk to someone, if you're one of those people who needs a reason. (And yes, I am.) I've got five months to go, and tons of activities. If fencing or salsa dancing doesn't do it, maybe partner yoga will.

Should you consider a group activity? Why not? The key, I think, is to go with events that attract at least as many men as women and provide some kind of physical movement for easy mingling. Now I look at dating as a numbers game: They say the more you're out there, the better your odds. Well, then, why not the more people you're out with?